I keep promising I’ll be back more often, but my health keeps getting in the way. Sorry 😦 Most of the decline has been going slow and subtle, but the last few days I’ve been in a lot of pain. Like, a lot.
I don’t know what’s going on in my bowels, but it’s not good. And I’m not happy about how I’m being treated, so prepare for a lot of salt. To be honest, the pain probably makes the mood bigger than it really is, but that doesn’t change the situation.
So prepare for a lot of tmi, but I really need to get this of my chest. Essentially I have a lot of cramps and I’m barely able to go to the bathroom and what I can is at the very least soft. Now the cramps come and go, so I’m not feeling to horrible while writing this, but when they’re there… Yikes.
My girlfriend made me an appointment with our gp, but as a wave of cramps hit me just when we had to leave, I didn’t feel up to going into traffic, I could barely stand after all. So Luna ended up calling again. No problem, they’d fix me a prescription Luna could pick up. They gave me a bunch of laxatives and two small enemas anyone can apply. This was two days ago I think.
I wasn’t happy, because I’m pretty sure it’s a blockage, not simple constipation. But I went with it, they’re the professionals after all, I might as well give it a chance. But as expected, nothing changed over the past two days. My stool was already soft after all.
Yesterday I didn’t have the spoons to deal with anything, so I simply didn’t. I continued to go with it, but that’s about all I could do.
Today started out feeling a bit better. The pain hadn’t gone, but at least I had the energy to sit up and play some non intense games. However in the afternoon the pain seemed to have gotten worse again, so I asked Luna to call again. They completely dismiss my feelings that this isn’t it, even though they haven’t even seen me. They’ve upped my laxative dose and have given me a different kind of enema that has to be applied by home care. There are so many feelings coming up about this I don’t even know where to start. I’m feeling helpless, scared, anxious, angry and more. I’m angry that they dismiss my feelings of this not being the right treatment, even though this treatment is based on two symptoms and there has been absolutely no examination. While examination is all that I’m asking for. I feel helpless, because my girlfriend is doing all she can to help me and it isn’t enough. And the people I have to go through for further help are not taking me seriously. I’m scared for the enema. If gas and liquid can barely come out, how is that supposed to go in. What if it only makes it worse, like the other stuff has. A stranger has to come in and do this for me, if that’s not an invasion of personal space I don’t know what is. Honestly I’d feel better about it if I could have done in a practice. Maybe that’s weird but it is how it is. I’m scared that it is something serious and I won’t get treatment in time.
The reason I’m anxious about it is because I have my top surgery consult in a week. As much as I’m looking forward to being a step closer to a flat chest, it’s anxiety inducing enough on it’s own. Now I’m anxious I won’t be able to go. But at least I suppose it’s good to know that my mom will bring me, so I don’t need to be as well as I would be for say public transport.
Now a little more on my gp not taking me seriously. I’m just as disappointed about it as I am angry. How can they dismiss someone who came in dead calm for symptoms that keep them house ridden and has someone else contact them because they’re in too much pain. Why did they take me seriously then, but not now.
Even after writing this my blood is still boiling. I’ve vented to Luna, a group of friends, on instagram and now even this long post, but it still hasn’t helped. To anyone who has actually read it all, thank you so much for listening. If you have any similar experiences and you have tips, please let me know. If you have any gut friendly recipes, hook me up! I hope this post can give someone the feeling of understanding I’m currently missing. If you’d like to talk, feel free to comment below!
I think I’m going to leave it at this, I’ll try to keep you updated as the days go on and hopefully I’ll be able to let you know how my top surgery consult went in a week. Bye!